I feel this is where I may lose some of you. I don’t have a ton of friends that are into the same stuff I am like comic books and action figures, only 1 or 2. However most of my friends at least remember those things from their childhoods. Guys will come into my “mancave” and look around and say “oh yeah, I had that as a kid” or “I used to love those.” And if you search the internet it doesn’t take very long to find hordes of people declaring their love for Transformers, G.I. Joe and He-Man. Battle Beasts on the other hand, not so much. When I pull out my bucket of Battle Beasts most people’s reaction is “What the hell are those? I don’t remember them.” Even as kids everything I collected my brother Doug collected. Every time a new series of Joes, Wrestlers, Transformers or anything else came out me and Doug would break out the Sears wish book and do picksies on who would get who so there was no disputes down the road. Except for Battle Beasts. I was the only person I knew that collected them. They never had a cartoon or a comic to generate interest so they never really caught on. 3 waves of figures were released and then they disappeared. I’m not sure why noone else took to these things like I did. Each pack contained two animals wearing armor and 2 bladed weapons. The characters weren’t given names and had no established back story. Every time I got a new pack I would decide which one was going to be a good guy and which one would be bad.
I got my first Battle Beasts in my Easter Basket one year. 1 two pack contained a Bat and a Fox and the other a Rhino and a Ram. I decided that the Rhino would lead my good guy team and the Ram would lead the bad guys. I named each character very unimaginatively, Battle-Rhino, Battle-Ram, Battle-Fox etc. My little brother also gat a two pack that Easter which contained a Bear and a Buffalo. I remember it being a nice warm spring day and we took them out in the backyard and played with them out in the grass. Good times. I later conned him into giving me his two figures. I almost have a complete set of the Battle Beasts now but I still find one I don’t have every now and again. Despite having probably 80 of these things the Rhino remains one of my favorites. In part because he’s a rhino which is one of my favorite animals and also because he was one of my first ones and also because he just looks cool as hell. These figures are only about 2″ tall but they have a ton of detail. Rhino here has wrinkles in his skin and cool little vents and buttons on his armor. The faces of these things also had more personality than most other toys. Some of the beasts had weapons for hands and this guy has a big spiked ball which is pretty cool and came in handy when he was laying the smack down. I found out later that the Battle Beasts did have a little known back story which I’ll talk about in my next BB review but I also found out that the characters did in fact have names. This guy’s name was Rocky Rhino. I think it’s pretty gay and most of the other names are worse so he will forever be Battle-Rhino to me. 9 out of 10.