Many years ago I worked at Pizza Hut.  Sometimes I really hated being there but whenever I think back to those times now I always remember it fondly.  I used to get free pizza all the time.  Whenever I showed up late to a party because I was working, everyone was happy to see me because I would eventually show up with a couple of BIG FOOT pizzas.  Anyway  when I was in high school in the early to mid 90s grunge and alternative music  was at it’s peak.  I couldn’t get enough of Nirvana, The Smashing Pumpkins and Radiohead.   Like most young boys  I always had fantasies about one day being a rock star and in grade 12 under the influence of this new style of music I decided to take a stab at it despite my absolute lack of any musicianship.   My buddy Charles could play guitar and my other buddy Adam had literally just bought one.  With me attempting to be a front man that seemed like a pretty solid base to work from.  Charles would write the music and then, being to lazy to write a secondary riff for Adam he would just teach Adam to play the exact same thing that they would play in unison.  The wall of sound approach I guess.  I was the singer and I wrote the majority of the lyrics.  I’ve always considered myself to be a fairly talented writer but this was not my best work. “It comes and it goes, it speeds and it slows, it hides and it shows, it feeds and it grows, it sees and it knows.” What was I talking about?  I dunno.  Though my lyrics were weak and my singing spotty at best I was an undeniably good promoter.  We dubbed the band Decrepit Head and I immediately set about designing logos and designing album covers.  Our inaugural release was to be called Hippy Grass Hopper and the tape was available in a variety of tie-dyed colors.   I decided the band needed a mascot, or a calling card of some sort to help create a buzz.  So one night while working at Pizza Hut I went into the basket of dollar store junk that we gave out to children on YTV Kids Night.  In there I found this blue rubber dolphin-shark thing.  I thought this will do and I grabbed a few to give to the other band members.  I then realized I couldn’t have a bunch of kids walking around with Decrepit Head mascots so I stole the whole lot of them, probably about 50.  Me, Adam and Charles all punched a hole in a dolphin tail and hung in from our belt loops with a sting or attached them to our wallet chains.  They created immediate interest, people would ask about them and would then want one for themselves.  The other guys didn’t see the effect as much as I did because I hung out in the city a lot at the time going to all ages punk shows and stuff.  The kids at the club all knew the name of our band even though we’d never played a single show.  The promoter who owned the club would ask me every single week when he could finally book a Decrepit Head show.  I had managed to create hype for a band that never really formed.  We doled out the dolphins strategically to loyal groupies.  Sadly Decrepit Head fizzled out after a short time never having played for anyone and never having recorded a song.  We may as well not have existed at all and yet I’m sure we’ll be remembered by those lucky few to have acquired a Decrepit Dolphin.  Vanessa sports one on her key chain now.I held onto the remaining stash of dolphins just in case.   What do say Adam?  15 year reunion?                                           10 out of 10!!!!



About mike's collection

I'm a dude that collects toys and writes. I figured I'd combine my hobbies.

Posted on February 17, 2012, in Miscellaneous. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. I was really wondering if these would make a showing on the blog. I can’t believe how well we got the name out despite never having any substance to us what so ever. No bass, only a fleeting, distant relationship with a drummer (who wanted us to play at his family corn boil). Actually, I believe he (the drummer) commit suicide a few years back, rounding out our true rock and roll VH1 special.

    I still break out the riffs to some of our hits songs every now and then, like the completely un-PC hit: “Retard”.

    That about sums it up.

    • Dude, I could sing any one of out tunes at the drop of a hat. Cancer, Retard, Comes and Goes, Small Piece of Paper…they were all kind of great in their own way.
      This is the first I’ve heard about our drummer. I hope that isn’t true. Most depressing action figure blog ever.

  2. I could be your new drummer. I could even wear that hat that you like when I play with Joel Plaskett.

  3. can i have some dolphins…..

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