LARA CROFT TOMB RAIDER
I’m not much of a video game guy. I think I’ve told you that before. In fact I am so much not a video game guy that I have never in my life played a Tomb Raider game. For a guy my age that is quite a feat. She may not be so cool anymore with games like Uncharted stealing all of her thunder but a couple of years back, these were some of the biggest games on the market and everyone was playing them. I like the idea behind Lara Croft, after all she’s basically just a sexy chick version of Indiana Jones, one of the coolest guys ever. I can’t really say one way or another if the games were any good or not but I assume there must have been more to them just a hot 32-bit booty. Besides hotness does not equal good. A perfect example of that would be the Tomb Raider movies. I wanted to like them, I adored Angelina back in the day (Hackers Angelina, yum) and the concept was perfect for an action adventure movie and yet I find those films utterly unwatchable. I actually think I blocked the second one from my mind completely as I couldn’t tell you a thing about it. Despite hating the movies and never playing the game I still feel justified in calling myself a Tomb Raider fan because I was a loyal reader of the comic book for several years. Publisher Top Cow put out a great Tomb Raider series for a while that was everything the movie should of been. Oh well.
Now lets travel back in time for a moment all the way back to 1998 to a world where people were not connected to the internet 24-7. Back in those days people still got their breaking news from print publications. My favorite source for news (toy news anyway) was ToyFare magazine. This is what you had to buy each month to know what cool toys were going to be released in the coming months. I remember when issue 7 came out and how much buzz there was surrounding the first ever Tomb Raider figure to be released. She was placed on the cover and inside writers marveled at her greatness. This was a toy that drooling fanboys had been waiting for. I remember seeing pictures of the toy for the first time and thinking, meh. Not so great, but good enough, I’ll buy it.
Oh how times have changed. Would anybody get excited about this toy in this day and age? No way. Tomb Raider fans want sexy and this thing is a looooong ways away from being Angelina Jolie. However you must remember that Angelina Jolie was still years away from donning the little shorts and braiding her hair. This figure was solely based on the 32-bit Lara Croft of the original game on the playstation one system. And let’s face it 32-bit Lara was not as sexy as you like to remember she was. This figure actually isn’t a bad representation of that version of the character. Her lips looks like they’ve been been jacked full of collagen, and her breasts full of silicon but again that’s what the source material looked like. I think the toy would’ve benefited from a less extreme red lipstick as it tends to accentuate the “Real Housewives” pucker a little too much. This toy has no joints at her knees and elbows but the ball jointed shoulders give her a decent amount of arm movement. The “real” leather shorts is a nice touch but the gun holsters are ridiculously out of proportion. I actually thought I was gonna be way harsher on this figure but as I look at it for the first time in a few years I think that it’s not too bad for it’s time. 4 out of 10.