COBRA CRIMSON HORSEMAN v1
Back in September I reviewed the Crimson H.I.S.S Tank which came with a new class of driver known as the Crimson Horsemen. I’m much more of an action figure guy than a vehicle guy so I like to review figures separate from the vehicles they come packaged with to make sure that the figures get their due. The Cobra HISS tank is my favorite Joe vehicle and I’ve reviewed a number of variations of it on this site. I avoid buying vehicles whenever I can because they’re pricey and they take up lots of room but I can never resist a new HISS tank. I like the classic black ones best but I’ve acquired quite the rainbow brigade of HISS tanks over the years. The red makes perfect sense as the terrorist organization known as Cobra has always had a “crimson” division of elite troopers; most notably the Crimson Guard. I technically haven’t reviewed any Crimson Guard figures yet but you can check out my Agent Faces review if you’re not familiar with them.
The Crimson Guard are described on their file card as follows: “All “Siegies” must hold a degree in either law or accounting as well as being in top physical condition. Crimson Guardsmen are too precious to be wasted on the conventional battle field. They are dispersed about the country in deep cover, assuming normal appearances and life-styles. Watch out. That friendly new neighbor of yours might just have a red uniform hanging in his closet….”
Now when it comes to the Crimson Horseman that was included with the 2011 Crimson HISS tank his file card reads: ” CRIMSON HORSEMEN are part of the CRIMSON GUARD. CRIMSON HORSEMEN specialize in mobile combat tactics. They prefer tanks because of their strength, armor and weapons, but they can turn even the most humble vehicle into a weapon of destruction. They are highly trained in many disciplines and can switch from aggressive infantry fighters to clandestine operatives with ease.“
I don’t know if that makes any sense to me. Why would Cobra Commander stick his highly educated deep cover agents on the front lines? Even if they are in tanks. Because I’ve seen enough episodes of the cartoon to know that it doesn’t take much to blow a HISS tank to kingdom come.
The Crimson Horsemen bear almost no resemblance to the Crimson Guard. The only similarities that I notice are the red uniforms and maybe the mouth piece a little bit. Though the mouth piece reminds me more of a Techno-Viper or even an Imperial Storm Trooper. I’m not sure how I feel about this figure. It’s more real-word looking than many other Joe figures but it’s also kind of non-sensical looking. All the pouches and armor plating make sense I guess but I’m not sure why he has so many straps all over himself. And the red flak vest with all the compartments looks to me like a bad knock-off of MJ’s “Beat It” jacket. And then his helmet is akin to a motorcycle helmet. The large visor is probably practical for visibility purposes, at least it would be if he hadn’t painted a giant Cobra logo right in the middle of it. I’m always happy to welcome new troops into my Cobra ranks but I think this guy is more “miss” than “hit”. I quite like the helmet design so hopefully we see it again somewhere down the line without the silly logo. In the mean time Hasbro please package all future HISS Tanks with the proper classic HISS driver. 5 out of 10.